A Lumpy Space Date with the refreshing Peppermint Butler
by VStar89
Summary: Lumpy Space Princess is apathetic and vain. Peppermint Butler is polite and evil. Read on to see what their adventure entails!


**Adventure Time Fan Fiction – Peppermint Butler & Lumpy Space Princess:**

Princess Bubblegum was flustered and covered in a strange liquid substance, "Dammit! These fractals aren't recursive!"

"Have you tried cursing them a second time? Hehehehe…" Snarled Peppermint Butler

"Peps…Can you just…ARGHHHH!" The strange liquid had coiled into a gummi snake and was eating PB's colourful experiments.

"Gum-ho!" Joked the faithful servant.

"THAT'S IT! Leave my lab now and don't return until I've got things under control."

"Yes Princess."

"And Peps?"

Yes Princess?"

"Please don't cause any trouble. You know I have access to your letters. You and Death have some fantastical ideas but I worry about your influence on him."

Peppermint Butler nodded at PB and promptly left the Candy Kingdom.

Wandering in the woods, Peppermint Butler was murmuring satanic spells under his breath. As he reached the crux of the spell, he heard a rustle over yonder.

"No Sandra. Geez, It's like you don't want to, like, go shopping anymore."

Peppermint Butler's curiosity piqued and thought maybe he had found a sacrificial offering. He peered behind a tree to see who it was.

"SANNNNNDRRRAAAA….OH MY GLOB! Why are you like, naked? Ew."

From his position, Peppermint Butler could only see Lumpy Space Princess and no one else. He tentatively decided to see what the drama was about.

"Hello LSP."

"Oh, hey. See Sandra? Now you're naked in the woods and PB's butler is, like, probs gonna lump all over you. Butler, keep your hands off her. Coz like, she's my best friend and if you lump on her Imma be hatin' on you." Lumpy Space Princess floated over and pushed Peppermint Butler away.

"I don't see anyone else here, Princess." Peppermint Butler did not like being touched but suffocated his anger for the meantime.

"Oh. That's okay then. See Sandra, I told you. If you don't go shopping with me you'll turn, like, non-existent."

"LSP?"

"What? What is it? Can't you see I'm texting? ….O..M..G…L..O…B…"

"I'll go shopping with you."

Lumpy Space Princess stopped texting and averted her eyes from the miniature electronic screen to focus on Peppermint Butler.

'Hmm.' Thought LSP, eyeing the butler up and down, 'He's smartly dressed, his gloves and socks match red candy stripes and he's a butler so he'll be bound to open doors for me, I'll look more important. Like…Like…Like I'm a celebrity.' Lumpy Space Princess's eyes widened with glee.

"Lump Yeah!" She yelled. "Wait here!"

Peppermint Butler sat on the grass drawing a large singular circle around him. He found some twigs and began creating a star shape in the middle of the circle. Hissing Latin under his breath, his voice became deeper and darker until…

*HONK* *HONK* "Get in Butler. We're going shopping."

Peppermint Butler had to admit, LSP's car was a breeze to drive. As the car sailed over the treetops there whirled a whole new world

around them. A giant parrot was rocking psychedelic feathers. To the left of the car was Lady Rainicorn fluttering with magic pebbles,

which strangely had Jake's face drawn on them. They zoomed past Marceline who was terrorizing the cloud kingdom, just for globs and

giggles. Yet all this went unnoticed to Lumpy Space Princess and Peppermint Butler. LSP was busy positioning all the car mirrors in her

direction while saying to herself, "I'm gonna look so hot" and other various vain comments. Peppermint Butler, however, was extracting

space magic from the car without LSP's knowledge. Together, the two of them were in isolated bliss. This truly was the best date either

of them. At least since the Mushroom War. As they traversed to the mall, LSP glanced around her.

"Um, Butler?"

Peppermint Butler was in a trance and LSP's voice sounded far and distant.

"Butler? BUTLER! BUTLERRRR!"

Peppermint Butler snapped back into the current space/time dimension.

"Yes?"

"In case you haven't noticed, this like, isn't the mall."

"Yes."

"So, like, where are we?" Lumpy Space Princess discarded the rows of mirrors and hovered above the car seat to see her surroundings.

They sky had turned black with pea-green swirls acting as clouds. Skeletal birds flew above and below them. In fact, the entire

environment was skeletal.

"I only shop at Death's mall." Explained Peppermint Butler.

"Oh. I hear Death only buys, like, vintage." The princess considered this. "Okay, vintage is like, the hottest trend right now. Sandra'sgoing be so globbin' jealous when we return."

"Yes. Return." Peppermint Butler swerved the car over a sand covered parking spot. Peppermint Butler was suddenly full of life and bounced out of the car. He also seemed a bit taller, or so thought LSP.

"I wanna get some skirts. And lets get some shoes. Oh and, like, we can get a snack to keep our energy up. Do you know shopping is like exercise? So you like, have to stay hydrated."

"NO!" Peppermint Butler hissed and violently held back Lumpy Space Princess. "Don't drink the water here." He warned.  
"Geez, okay fine whatever. Glob, your so lumpin' weird."

Peppermint Butler led them over to an empty patch of land, which was incidentally next to a vintage outlet store.

"Come on, Butler!" Yelled LSP and promptly floated into the store.

But Peppermint Butler was deep in another trance whispering, "Yes master, yes. The blood will be pure and royal…soon…yes, soon…White hot…Stardust…Death…I die therefore I am…"

Lumpy Space Princess left the retro store with some really trendy was super excited to show them off to Sandra, who was really being a huge massive B these days.

As she entered the car park she noticed Peppermint Butler had a new outfit on. His peppermint stripes were now black and red with his suit being a murky yellow.

"OH GLOB NO!" Yelled Lumpy Space Princess who hurriedly floated over to Peppermint Butler, who appeared to be summoning an evil looking creature, "Nuh-uh, you are like, not driving me home in that outfit Butler."

Peppermint Butler could not hear Lumpy Space Princess at all this time. He was too far gone in Death's dimension of evil souls. The only thing that was distracting him was a constant beeping. The beeping refused to disappear from his ear's mind and became louder and louder until -

"Oh. Oh my." Peppermint Butler reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an egg timer. "It's time for Princess Bubblegum's dinner."

He reset the egg timer, placed it back into his coat, which had somehow returned to its normal blue colour. Amazingly, his peppermint stripes were once again red and white. Lumpy Space Princess breathed a sigh of relief.

"Butler, you look so much better now!" Lumpy Space Princess floated over to Peppermint Butler and kissed him on the cheek.

"Why Princess…I…I…" Peppermint Butler blushed. Never had anyone shown him physical kindness before. He gathered himself and started the car. "Lets go home LSP."

LSP jumped in the car and started re-arranging the mirrors as Peppermint Butler flew the car back into the Land of Ooo.

"Yeah, fine, whatever. OH MY GLOB, IS THAT SANDRA WITH BRAD?"

Peppermint Butler peered down but couldn't see anyone below. He shrugged and started to mentally plan Princess Bubblegum's dinner – Spaghetti Gummi Snakes.


End file.
